Why should your or my life story matter? Every one of us whether we realize it or not wants to make a difference and have their life story count. We want to make sure that others or the world or somebody at least knows that we exist, have existed and will remember us. It can be applied to both business life including internet marketing and to personal life.
The following is just my little story. It is not a lecture or anything that most of you don’t already know on some level if you have not realized it fully.
There Are Two Ways To Get
Others To Remember You
The first way which I do NOT recommend is to do harm to others
I don’t just mean big harm but even relatively small harmful things like in this mini story that happened to me in kindergarten:
Teacher’s Kid Grabbed Vance’s Chewing Gum
Vance was growing up in a country where chewing gum was something very precious and not something that was making spots on every sidewalk after being spitted out of thousands of mouths as soon as the flavor got a tad weak.
When Vance was given a chewing gum he chewed it for several days, for as long as it stayed together. Inevitably though, after a few days the chewing gum turned mushy and melted into nothing.
When that happened Vance felt it as a big loss. It could be months before he could enjoy another gum.
One day, Vance was again given a chewing gum. It was a big day for him and he proudly took it to kindergarten with him. The teacher’s boy of similar age noticed that Vance was chewing a gum.
He challenged Vance: ” Can you make bubbles with it ?” It was a kind of a bubble gum and Vance easily produced a few bubbles.
“Show me how far you you can stretch it out of your mouth” came another challenge by the boy.
Vance stretched the gum as far as his arm could extend. The boy looked at him and unexpectedly and shockingly snatched the gum from Vance and put it into his mouth.
Vance just couldn’t believe it. His precious gum was in the teacher’s boy’s mouth. “Give me my gum back!” cried Vance. But the boy ignored him.
While this was happening, the other kids were gathering in front of a TV in another room and hardly any of them witnessed the incident.
The whole kindergarten was about to watch a kid show now.
Vance felt hurt and demanded justice. He pleaded with the boy to return the gum to him. The boy just laughed.
“I’ll tell your Mom about what you did if you don’t give it back.”
Vance didn’t want to squeal but the boy now started to show off what tricks he could do with the gum to other kids saying the gum was his and accusing Vance of lying.
“Your son has stolen my gum, he snatched it from me!” Said Vance bitterly to the teacher.
She completely ignored him and walked away.
The feeling of injustice and profound breach of trust was overwhelming.
How can a teacher be less than just?
Only having it talked out and believed by trusted friends including his parents made Vance calm down and learn a life lesson without the incident making him bitter.
The perpetrators of the above injustice are remembered on occasion, albeit a rare one, to this day.
But who wants to be remembered for harming others?
In the next installment I’ll tell a story that demonstrates the second way to be remembered, the way which I do recommend very strongly.
I have decided to approach this from a personal life point of view first.
In the meantime, should you want to, you may find your own examples from business life and internet marketing life.
Examples from personal life seem to be more important and more interesting.
But these divisions are made just for clarity. Both personal and work or business life are equally part of our overall life and really inseparable as far as our character and our being is concerned.
I will cover examples from business life in general and internet marketing life in particular later.
I think and hope that after reading this article it is perhaps a little more clear how your life story can matter and why.
Your whole life story, personal, business, as an internet marketer will matter if and when you show up. Whether you’ll show up to harm or to help.
Authored by Vance Sova
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Filed under: Vance Sova: Life Story And Other Stories
38 thoughts on “Why Should Your Life Story Matter? Show Up To Harm Or Help ?”
I’m not sure if I agree with this as I have never, as an adult, been concerned with being remembered or not. I have my personal code of ethics and my beliefs which I’m not about to change to somehow enhance my “legacy”.
As a wise man…well cartoon character said… “I is what I is.”
From a business point of view…if I pursue the IM niche then “Rod Macbeth” becomes a brand or product and I don’t really see that as applying to one’s life story per se.
A branch of it I suppose.
I understand where you’re coming from…guess I just have a different perspective.
.-= Rod Macbeth´s last blog ..The Path to the Four Hour Workweek…Outsourcing the Correct Way =-.
October 6th, 2009 at 4:47 pm
You have quite a unique perspective. Thanks for expressing it here by commenting. There are those who aren’t concerned with their legacy but I think that they at least are concerned with how they come across at present.
For those in IM and any business it is vital that they treat their clients wisely and give them value for their money.
Unfortunately not everybody has good ethics ingrained in them and those people need to pause and perhaps modify their behavior.
Doing so makes sense from all point of views even if legacy is no concern for them.
Life story is not just a legacy either. It is lived and created in the present, minute by minute. And it affects everybody that comes in contact with any particular person.
A good point, and I like the story that went with it. How disgusting of the boy to take chewing gum out of your mouth though.
We most certainly do not want to be remembered for doing harm. I look forward to your more pleasant story next time.
.-= Paul Lear´s last blog ..How I Use MyBlogLog To Drive Targeted Traffic =-.
October 6th, 2009 at 5:00 pm
I’m glad you liked the story and the point I was making. The boy may have been disgusting but it was his Mom, the teacher that behaved even worse. An authority figure condoning the act was more shocking and hurtful than what the boy did. He really didn’t know any better as obviously at home he got away with anything.
I also prefer good and positive stories but the unpleasant ones need to be told at times too. I look forward to relating more of the pleasant stories.
Thank you for your comment.
I understand where you’re coming from with this.
I think our aim is to be remembered for enhancing and helping others where we can, and not the opposite as above 🙂
I know this is the moral of your story!
Talk real soon,
.-= Paul Wilson´s last blog ..My Press Release is Live…! =-.
October 7th, 2009 at 10:16 pm
You understand it well. The story is what actually happened and even though it may now seem trivial it was a big deal then.
Sometimes the smallest things can have a huge effect.
Helping others doesn’t need to be something big. It is the little things and kindnesses that build up to be incredibly significant.
I so agree with your sentiments. Be remembered for the kindnesses you bestow and help you give. Who would want to be remembered as a person who inflicted physical or mental hurt on another person.
Take Care – Barbara
.-= Barbara Harvey´s last blog ..Working on 90 day plan =-.
October 11th, 2009 at 11:44 am
Thank you for your nice comment. I think the overwhelming majority of people want to do good things and be helpful.
I heard somebody say that there are only about 10 really bad and evil people in the world but that they get around a lot.
It seems that most of the harm comes from ignorance, insensitivity to others and being too self-centered.
In a way it is a lack of education.
How are ya my friend? wow I really dont know what happened to your original comment on my blog.
I remember coming over to your place once and could not find how to leave a comment.
Kids can be so cruel mate, I have plenty of stories like that and it haunts me to this day.
And yes sometimes the smallest things can effect you in a massive way.
Good stuff vance
Keep in touch
.-= marcus passey´s last blog ..Seminar In London met Alex Jeffreys & Dean Holland Plus hung out with a couple of students =-.
October 11th, 2009 at 11:55 am
I find that comments sometimes mysteriously disappear. I have yet not found the reason why. Sometimes I think that I should save them somewhere before submitting them. If they keep getting lost I’ll really start doing that.
Yes, kids can be so cruel. I really wonder why that is.
It could be that they are still unaware of others and their feelings and too much self-absorbed. Sometimes that carries over to adulthood which tends to cause even more harm.
Thankfully there’s also a lot of good around us in people,
You’re right, we should aim at being remembered for the good we do or did. That way we would be doing our little part to revert the prevalent media tendency nowadays that, under the argument of portraying an integral view of any character, deals equally with the good and the bad traits of the person.
Yikes! Sorry for the rant!
.-= Jose´s last blog ..How to drive traffic to your blog: Forums =-.
October 11th, 2009 at 7:54 pm
We seem to agree on this. Since you brought up the media it is good to realize that their foremost concern is ratings because depending on ratings they can charge more for advertising.
They show what people want to see and although I don’t know that for sure everybody seems to say that negative or bad news sells a way better than positive and good news.
Most people that I talk to would like to see more of the good news. So there is some controversy on the subject.
If we can contribute the good and positive stuff we are at least doing our part.
Its funny how real life incident’s stick in your mind
when your a child.
I can remember loads from when I was a kid but very few
from only a couple of years ago.
As I’m approaching fifty one ,I think people have already made up their minds about what they think about me.
I suppose I have upset many people, but all in all people who are close to me know that i would rather do someone a good turn than a bad one, your gum incident reminded me of a similar one that happened to me
Two Irish twins moved to my school, in those days after lunch we were sometimes given a treat which was a large biscuit, one of the twins give his away to me,But another lad got wind of it , and just as i was about to pick it up off the plate he snatched it and ran down to the end of the
school playground, I gave chase but just when I cornered him he stuffed the whole six inch biscuit into his mouth in one go.
What happened next was that my foot suddenly got embedded in his privates,
I still don’t know why I reacted the way I did as it was totally out of character
However I will never forget that incident as he reminds me of it every week ,we became best of friends and have been friends for over 45 years.
ps your comments on my blog no longer show up as spam you must have sorted it.
Also I have read your healthy articles on ezine ,
but couldn’t link to the web page,
“are you still in that niche”?
and thanks for telling me about my top commentators link not working, i have now sorted it
.-= michael f allon´s last blog ..Bish Bash Bosh. =-.
October 14th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
I really appreciate your comprehensive comment. It is an example of what great comments should be like.
Childhood memories do stick like a glue, don’t they? I hear many people relating to this. We all have upset someone at one time or another. And sometimes it is out of ignorance.
I think that people want to forgive as long as what was done was not meant to do harm even though it did do that.
Your story with the twin is what happens a lot. The fact that you became friends is great. I may relate one of my other stories where I was not on my best behavior and upset a guy who in turn defended me instead of turning against me when he had a chance.
Thanks for reading my articles on Ezine Articles. I wonder why the links are not leading to my site. I’ll have to check that out. I’m still in that niche. Click on
Healthy Diet from here and you’ll get there.
As for the comments going to spam it is a hit and miss thing and I have not figured it out yet. Thanks for sorting out the top commentators.
HI vance I left a fairly lengthy comment earlier today,but i mustnt of submitted it properly,
thanks for letting me know about my top commentators plug in not woking, i have sorted it,
also your last comment on my blog never came up as spam like the previous ones did so you must of sorted it,
anyway back to the post,
No matter what people might of thought of you in days gone by ,
if your intending to be an internet marketer you have to be very transparent , but thats only my opinion. however, some IM may have more sinister motives, but they hopefuly get caught out and who would want yourself or the Gazzman on your case ,not me.
you Reep what you sow
.-= mickfallon´s last blog ..Bish Bash Bosh. =-.
October 14th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
It turns out that your previous comment did make it so you submitted it properly. I’ve already replied to it.
Thank you so much that you went back to comment again.
Being transparent as internet marketer is good for everybody. The marketer will benefit and his customers too.
Those who try to cheat will not succeed in the long run.
Having Gazzman on my case would be downright frightening. Both physically and psychologically.
I’m definitely for sowing good stuff.
I did get it about how the teacher was worse for ignoring you. But when I came to leave the comment, the boy and the gum incident was the thing that stuck in my head.
I had a similar case at my school, teacher with her son, in her class. And her son did tend to get away with a lot of things, that others wouldn’t get away with.
I don’t think that teachers should be allowed to have their own children in their class, as their will always end up being favouritism somewhere along the line.
Maybe things are different these days?
.-= Paul Lear´s last blog ..Paul’s Recent Activity Report – September/October 2009 =-.
October 15th, 2009 at 9:47 pm
Thanks for coming back to add to your comment.
I think that teachers would do better not to have their own kids in their class. Even if they could be completely impartial which is a near impossibility, their own child would still see them more as a mother and less as a teacher.
In my opinion the teacher’s kid will be better off in someone else’s class and so will the teacher and all the other pupils.
But perhaps in a small town this option may not be possible. In that case the teacher should be extremely careful with dispensing attention and judgment equally.
In my and your case this clearly didn’t happen.
I wouldn’t know if things are different these days.
Let’s hope they are.
I thought I would pop by and have a read. Thank you for popping by my blog and introducing yourself.
Your post is very intriguing and does give food for thought. I have just finished reading a book called “Sleep Talk for Children” I have a 2 year old that is starting to show signs of mild anxiousness and this is something I want to address.
The moral of the book is all about the power of suggestion to young minds and how our words and actions can have such lasting effects on their minds even though as adults we may not think our words and actions are relevant!
Children are sponges and the first 7 years sets us up for life! The crazy thing is, is that no matter how old we get there are still “children that steal chewing gum” from us and “teachers that condone” so to speak. Yes people can be cruel, and yes it can effect who we are and how we do business. Those that have the “its all about them” approach will eventually come undone, and those that have the “its all about you approach” will eventually succeed.
I am a big believer in “Karma” – “what we give out is returned to us” (or something like that) ie if we treat people bad eventually we will be treated the same, if we rip people off, eventually we will be ripped off, if we treat people well, then people will treat us well.
I always look at children and teachers like your story as insecure and weak. It takes strength to use the bad experiences and come out a better person and to not repeat the treatment.
I have enjoyed the thinking! I will see you here again soon! 😛
.-= Jacinta Dean´s last blog ..John Thornhill’s Internet Marketing Master Class Coaching Program Week 6! =-.
October 17th, 2009 at 7:54 pm
What a wonderful comment. Thank you.
Yes, children soak up everything and they say that they do that even before they can speak or understand a language.
They need a lot of attention and can’t bear to be ignored.
I agree with you that some people are in the stealing mode for life.
When a kid does it is more understandable because they don’t have a developed sense of right and wrong and don’t really consider the consequences or how they may be impacting others.
When adults do it they are knowingly inconsiderate or worse for the most part. Certainly if they keep on doing it.
I believe in people getting what they deserve eventually too.
I wish it wouldn’t take so long sometimes.
I look forward to your next comment.
Well, I finally made it here. But better late than never huh?
Hmm, taking gum out of a kid’s mouth is pretty bloody yucky. I mean… 2nd hand gum? I’d have taken the kid a small cake the next day as a “peace offering” (heh… heh… little would he have known I’d have planted a nice booger inside it for him – PMSL even at the thought).
We do remember those crazy injustices as kids. That was one reason why I took up karate all those years ago – 39 years ago to be precise. I had a big mouth (yeah – even back then) and when I saw things I didn’t like I would say something. And that would invariably get my head smacked in. I was always a fast runner but you always got trapped eventually. And then it was payback time.
I remember this big unruly, bullying slob of a kid – his name was Rodney Pye – he punched me fair in the mouth one day and dropped me like a sack of spuds. I can’t even remember precisely what it was about but no verbal comment should be worth what he did. I saw stars for a while and when I got up there he was and he hit me again -egged on by his dopey thuggish mates. And he only let up when some teachers came over and stopped him. Thankfully!
MESSAGE TO RODNEY PYE: I haven’t forgotten Rodney. You better hope and pray you don’t cross my path today. (hmm, a little rhyme – I know who’d be hearing the “sweet chin music” this time!)
Anyway, enough of that story. We do remember.
Another instant that sticks in my mind… I also got 4 whacks of the cane coz a teacher lied in high school. A bloody teacher! Who would have thought that?
I was laughing at a friend who had locked two girls in a pre-fab classroom using a chair to jam the door shut. The teacher flung open a window to yell at my friend and, in the process, smashed the window. I laughed even more at that.
She told the Deputy Principal that I broke the window. I got 4 cuts for that. Thanks Mr Armstrong – yeah that was his name. And thanks for lying about it Mrs Snarski.
I think these things can shape our futures. Thank God that I decided that honesty and truth was the path I wanted to follow. It has got me into so much trouble just being truthful. Maybe I need to work more on my tact – LOL!
That’s not to say I haven’t done some bad things myself over the years but I don’t deliberately go out to harm anyone. Quite the opposite, in fact. But i have made mistakes along life’s rocky road.
Today I rate honesty and truth so highly. When I detect somebody does not want to take that path themselves I just really don’t want to have any more to do with them. It’s a two way street as far as I’m concerned.
OK, that’s it – I hope that kid ended up a better person after pinching your gum Vance. Maybe he learned something about cause and effect. Then again maybe he is still thieving things.
.-= Gary Simpson´s last blog ..Internet Marketing – Honesty =-.
October 20th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
I’m so glad you made it late because you are making up for it. What a comment. If all comments I receive would be as good and of such length it would create a lot of great content on my blog.
Sometimes I tend to give much longer comments than usual myself. It just comes naturally at times but I always try to give relevant comments and of decent length.
It seems that we’ve all had our share of experiences with other kids and adults in childhood and sometimes in adult life too that were less than pleasant and even downright ugly.
It’s great to see that in spite of that some of us turned out alright.
The kid on kid stuff is not as hard to deal with when it happens even though as in your case it can be quite painful and frightening.
The injustice suffered from adults, especially those that are in authority is harder to deal with and can be more damaging.
Nobody is perfect. Most of us ( I know of nobody that has always done the right thing from birth who is human, ) have done a few things out of ignorance or by mistake that could be qualified as bad. But we are aware of them, have apologized and moved on not repeating them.
Honest people recognize their mistakes and own up to them avoiding their repetition.
Unfortunately some people who aren’t honest with others and themselves do not see how they impact others by hurting them or even hurt them on purpose.
Being honest and truthful is the best thing one can do, even if it can sometimes lead to trouble from people who can’t handle the truth.
Being tactful is a very fine art which few have mastered. I certainly have to keep on improving. It’s true that we can be too blunt and say things insensitively.
But I still prefer people who are truthful rather than tactful because too much tact can sometimes sugarcoat the truth so much that it can be hard to recognize.
Thanks for reading my blog Gary and I hope to see you here again.
I really love this post. Sometimes the day-to-day grind blinds you to what is really important, and what, in the end truly matters and is lasting. You are absolutely right about doing no harm….that is just the beginning. The next, of course, is to actually do good! This is important in every endeavor, but I think even more so in internet marketing where the reputation has been so tarnished. -Norene
.-= Norene´s last blog ..If You Build It, Will They Come? 10 Ways to Promote Your Blog =-.
October 24th, 2009 at 7:08 pm
I’m glad you like the post and thank you for the thoughtful comment.
Doing good is not yet my real strength but I’m working on it. I’m good at doing no harm at least.
Certainly in internet marketing it is very important to do no harm and strive to do good.
Just like in real life.
What a great post…I just love posts like these…they are thought provoking.
None of us want to be remembered for damaging someone else’s self esteem, however at some time throughout our life, we may have done just that. Because you do not know what frame of mind a person might be in, sometimes an innocent remark you make may not be taken in the context that it was meant.
I try to make every effort to be kind and helpful to people, because that is what is truly important in this life. IF I am remembered for being a kind person, so much the better…but that is not why I do it.
Keep up these great posts, Vance and I will be back!
I wish you much success-take care,
.-= Joann Henry´s last blog ..How Would You Like To Super Size Your Life? =-.
November 11th, 2009 at 8:45 pm
Thank you for your kind comment. Thought provoking subjects are usually those that are from real life and that everybody can relate to.
You are right that at times it’s very easy to hurt someone unintentionally. Innocent remarks are a good example.
I’m glad that you are kind for the present moment and this life which is most important. You certainly will be remembered for that.
I look forward to your next comments. I’ll try to write more posts like this one.
Wow, That’s quite a story. I was bullied a lot, as I was growing up. It sucks and is hard to understand. Bullies obviously have something missing in their makeup to have to get attention by doing harm to others.
It’s interesting how incidents, like the one you described, stick with us for so long. That definitely made quite an impression on you. The whole thing begs the question – Where did you grow up? I guess, growing up in the US, like I did, that we often take for granted how fortunate we are. Chewing gum? Just go to the store and buy some.
Anyway, I try to live by the following, and I did not come up with it, I have learned it from what life has shown me. I try to treat others as I would like them to treat me. So far, that has worked pretty well.
.-= Mike Bush´s last blog ..My Goal – A New Business =-.
November 13th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
Being bullied is no fun. Actually I was only really bullied by one guy who bullied the whole class, one at a time, until my sister told me that she thought I was actually stronger and shouldn’t be afraid of the kid.
So I stood up to him and managed to pin him down. About 3 or 4 other classmates witnessed it and spread the word around.
That was the end of the bullying. After that I wasn’t afraid of anybody.
The kindergarten story was not so much a case of bullying. The teachers kid knew he could get away with it which was proven by what the teacher did, nothing.
Chewing gums are now plentiful where I grew up. To a US kid the comparable value to what the gum meant to me then would be something like an ipod now, quite a big deal. Although these days some kids don’t really value anything that much.
Yes, the golden rule still works.
Thanks for commenting.
I have to admit that I’ve always secretly wanted to be remembered for something. I’ve often said, to myself, that being a father I’d at least left something of myself behind. I’ve even had thoughts of my kids continuing my blog after my demise but I don’t see that happening anytime soon. I reckon my blogs will die sometime soon after their master.
If I was going to be remembered I would want it to be for something positive I did and not something negative. I reckon I’d rather not be remembered at all rather than being remembered for some vile negative act, like stealing a child’s gum and chewing it….ewwww!
.-= Sire´s last blog ..Membership Drive For Where Bloggers Meet =-.
March 2nd, 2010 at 12:42 pm
Thanks for being honest.
I think that wanting to be remembered is built into us by nature. I’m not sure I can fully believe those who say that they couldn’t care less if they are remembered or not and that certainly they wouldn’t pause and consider their actions in order for them not to taint and improve their legacy.
To me not caring about these things kind of indicates their not caring at all about the affects of their actions in the present either.
The majority of people do want to be remembered and admit it. Unfortunately there are too many of those who just want to be remembered, good or bad, and will do anything just to leave a mark.
I agree with your view that rather than being remembered negatively it’s better to not be remembered at all.
But there is no shortage of good things that we can do daily and thus will be remembered in a positive light and with some luck be an inspiration to some.
The chewing gum thing was something that I still can’t understand. The mentality of those people. I can’t even imagine putting myself into that kind of frame of mind. Yuk.
Thanks for the comment.
Hey Vance, awww I felt so sorry for you as I read the post, it’s so weird the things that happen in our life and stick in our memory, will others just fade off into the distance. I think my earliest bad memory was my dog getting run over by a car because I called on him from across the road, he ran over to meet me and got hit by a car, he disappeared for 3 days and I thought he was dead, the guilt was unreal, luckily he came home, bit bruised and bloody, but at least he was alive, Bandit was the best dog I ever had, Sally 🙂
.-= Sally Neill´s last blog ..Increasing Your Blog Traffic By Planting Seeds =-.
May 24th, 2010 at 12:43 am
It was terrible at that time for me and even now the story seems a bit too much but that was my first wake up call to reality from naive and innocent childhood. I realized then that things aren’t always what they are supposed to be.
But your dog story would have been be even more horrifying to me. I’ve had some wonderful dogs when growing up and I know how devastating that must have been for you. It’s great that Bandit survived. I’m sure he didn’t blame you one bit.
I’ve seen so many people trying to do bad things so they could be remembered and so they could get the attention they want.
You may be right.
But as to me, I don’t do bad things to be remembered until someone came and broke my heart.
He made me do bad things so he could never forget me, the once a looser but now they almost vow to.
If you ask me, did it made me happy?
Nope, it didn’t.
Yes, I got what I want, to be remembered.
But it never fulfilled me until someone came.
He turned my stone heart into soft again.
It was pretty pleasing.
I realize, doing bad things can make you remembered but believe me, it will never satisfy you.
jackie@true life stories´s last blog post ..A Story Of A Young Business Man
November 29th, 2010 at 11:23 am
Yes, people sometimes do bad things to others for various reasons, out of selfishness, low self-esteem bully mentality, to get attention and who knows what else besides just being ignorant or evil.
Doing good things for others is so much better way to be remembered, of course. It’ll make everybody, including you, feel good right now and when they remember it as well.
Thank you for the visit and comment. I look forward to your next one.
First do no harm.
In administering first aid, and in many other aspects of living, this is the primary rule.
December 12th, 2010 at 1:29 pm
Doing no harm is the best way to be, absolutely. Welcome to my blog and thank you for commenting.
I prefer Google’s old motto – don’t be evil
Lewis Saka´s last blog post ..3 Quick And Easy Ways To Build Your Email List
November 23rd, 2012 at 8:59 pm
That motto is great, I think it probably says do no evil, but I’m not sure if Google itself abides by it anymore.
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